


it ain’t me

by foreverobessed



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Break Up, Fighting, I ACTUALLY DO RESLLY LIKE HAN AND SKYSOLO, I made Han a dick and im sorry, Luke Leaving, Luke Skywalker Needs A Hug, M/M, Open Ending, Yelling, ambiguous ending, angst no comfort, based off of “it ain’t me” by Selena Gomez, first time writing skysolo!!, glossed over physical abuse, i actually love skysolo with all my heart but, or Star Wars in general, prolly half of this is lyrics oop sorry, rated teen for mild language and y’know some verbal and physical abuse, tw for abusive relationship, we need some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverobessed/pseuds/foreverobessed
Summary: skysolo fic based off of “it ain’t me” by selena gomez and kygo
Relationships: Luke Skywalker/Han Solo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 35





	it ain’t me

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! FIRST TIME WRITING STAR WARS !! also i kinda feel like the abuse is kinda glossed over BUT don’t let anyone ever do anything like this to you!! you deserve better and if it’s serious you can talk to someone or get help. anyway I love skysolo as a shipping but i needed to write some angst so hope y’all enjoy !

_ i had a dream we were sipping whiskey neat highest floor, the bowery, nowhere’s high enough  _

Luke can still remember his and Han’s honeymoon phase. Nothing could ever go wrong, it was them against the world. He still can remember them in a fancy restaurant with Han in a suit and tie and expensive alcohol. He remembers the burn of the alcohol, and cheering with Han to their relationship. They hoped they would last forever, them against the universe. 

Han was nervous on that date, he was planning it for weeks trying to get the reservation to the restaurant. Luke remembers Han nervously driving him there, and he remembers Han’s grin when he declared he loved it. He remembers  _ everything _ , because someone has to, and he seems to be the only one who remembers both of them have to commit in a relationship, not just Luke. 

_ somewhere along the lines, we stopped seeing eye to eye you were staying out all night _

Luke was a very hard working man, he put himself through college by working at this small bakery place, while also living in an apartment with Han at the time. Han and him didn’t start fighting as soon as the honeymoon phase ended, it was quite the opposite. The fighting was small things at first about how you always lose your key, or why did you leave the fridge door open. 

“I’m also working everyday, Luke!” Han shouted at him. They had started fighting about how Han couldn’t find time for him, and Luke said he worked but had still managed time for him. 

“I am too!” Luke said back, not shouting like Han. Luke was more reserved, more quiet. He was always the more quiet one, the more quiet twin, and the more quiet boyfriend. Luke was working to be an engineer, so at the moment he had an internship that didn’t pay much so he continued to work at the bakery. “I’m working two jobs, Han! And I always make time!”

A few weeks after that fight, Han started going to bars and places after work. Luke usually barely saw Han anymore, he saw him when he got up from bed in the morning and occasionally he’d hear Han get into bed at night. He could smell the beer on his breath even in his half-awake state. Han would come grumbling in the bed room, unlacing his boots clumsily and taking off his jacket and pants. He would then get on the bed, wrapping his arm around Luke’s waist and burying his face in Luke’s neck.

_ and i had enough no, i don’t wanna know where you’ve been or where you’re goin’ but i know i know i won’t be home and you’ll be on your own  _

Luke was finally tired of it. He was tired of working all day, and only occasionally seeing Han. Luke would see him when he finally came home from work, and Han would be putting on a jacket making a rushed apology and kissing his cheek saying he’d do the dishes tomorrow. So, when Han had repeated this cycle over and over barely talking to him besides texting, never being home, never paying his bills on time, never trying to do even one household chore, never doing  _ anything _ with him, Luke decided he was done. 

So, Luke decided to start packing. It was only six pm and he knew Han wouldn’t be back till at least midnight. He packed up his clothes first, and then started to get his toothbrush, brush, shampoo, everything. He didn’t have a lot of clothes or anything, due to him having to pay Han’s bills that he promised he’d pay him back for and never did. When he felt doubt creep up into him, he pushed it away. He  _ had  _ to do this, he just had to. 

_ who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep? who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone? who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? it ain’t me.  _

When Han was hungover the next day, Luke was there with water, food, and Advil. Han just smiled gratefully at him getting up despite his stomach lurching and putting his fingers into Luke’s blonde hair, and kissing Luke with such love, such  _ devotion.  _

Even before the fighting started Luke had always helped Han sleep, he always had trouble with it. He would let Han lay his head down on his chest, and Luke would comb through Han’s hair till he fell asleep. Even when he was  _ very very  _ drunk Han sometimes still had trouble sleeping, but no matter what the situation of Han had trouble Luke would try his best to help him with it, no matter what. 

Sometimes when Han couldn’t find an Uber, a friend to take him home, or couldn’t even drive his car because he was too wasted he’d call Luke. He’d call with slurred speech tales about his night, and asking him to pick him up. He did everytime. 

Luke, barely awake, would throw on a hoodie and sweatpants in their dark room. He would swipe his car keys off the counter with a yawn and drive over to wherever Han was at. When Luke got there, Han would greet him with a grin or sometimes a yell asking him what took him so fucking long. 

When he’d yell at him, he’d yell at him for the rest of the car ride home while Luke just stared at the road hoping not to crash the car, Luke always cried silently when this happened. One time he even  _ hit  _ Luke. In the morning, Han would apologize and make him coffee for once and promised it’d never happen again. Of course, it continued to happen, but at that point Luke was used to most of Han’s words to him being yelled at him. He would yell about  _ anything  _ when he was drunk and at that point with Luke having to get up earlier than Han, and coming back to their home with Han nowhere in sight, and only usually seeing Han while intoxicated. 

At that point Luke wondered what he’d done wrong. They were fine the first couple years of their relationship, but it just crashed. Luke couldn’t find out  _ what  _ went wrong. 

_ It had to have been you,  _ his mind yelled, suspiciously sounding like Han. 

_ i had a dream we were back to seventeen summer nights and the liberties never growing up  _

__ Luke remembers high school like it was a day dream. Him and Han stealing kisses behind the bleachers after one of Han’s games, lips stained red from slushies, small smiles at one another. He remembers Leia rolling her eyes at their longing stares at each other. 

In summer it was just Leia, Luke, Han, and Han’s friend, Chewie. Chewie moved to America from some place far, and spoke a language only Han understood, even though he could speak English his accent was too thick for Leia and Luke to understand. 

They would go on spontaneous road trips, watch drive-in movies, drive to the nearby beach and swim, have random sleepovers, they did whatever they wanted. He remembers him and Han being just so devoted to each other. 

Luke remembers accidentally catching Han’s gaze as Han stared at him. The look in his eyes.. well, it was what love looked like to Luke. Han would’ve given  _ everything  _ to be with him, he just wondered how it all changed so quickly. 

_ i’ll take with me the polaroids and the memories but you know i’m gonna leave behind the worst of us  _

Leia managed to get her hands on a Polaroid early in high school and she was always snapping photos of them. She would always manage to catch some of the best moments, without them even knowing. Luke can still feel the random flashing light that would happen in his vision when he’d be staring up at the stars with his friends laid beside him, him kissing Han, and then in a gas station trying out a variation of snacks and drinks. 

Luke packed up most of those photos, sliding it into a compartment in his suitcase. He gave a small smile to one, it was him and Han in the summer after high school, with Han cupping Luke’s cheek just staring into his eye. He left it there, though. He needed to let go. 

Luke looked up at himself, eyes full with unshed tears and so many words that were never said. If he looked down at his wrist he’d see fingerprint shaped bruises. 

_ who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep? who’s waking up to drive you home when you’re drunk and all alone? who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning? it ain’t me.  _

Luke was done with everything, done with the relationship. He made sure he packed everything he needed, double checking the apartment. He made sure he had all his clothes, hygiene products, sentimental stuff, and other random stuff he used. He didn’t leave a note, or anything. He grabbed his suitcase and headed to the door, swiping his car keys off the counter for the last time. He was going to drive to Leia’s house, she lived a couple hours away and was a senator. 

Luke turned towards the door and opened it. He turned around surveying the apartment, supposedly for the last time. He took a breath in, tears spilling from his eyes.  _ It’s time for a new beginning,  _ Luke thought. He closed and locked the door behind him, beginning his new journey. 

  
  
  


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End file.
